Anonymous asked: i had sex a little over a month ago and i was on my period while doing it. its over a month later and i still haven't gotten my period and I'm so scared. I'm only 15 i CANT get pregnant. we used a condom but it could have broken. i don't know what to do!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Readers won’t stop sending the Bad Advisor their real-ass questions to answer, so the Bad Advisor is periodically going to try her hand at answering them.
Is this you right now?
Sit yourself down. Sit ye down. Down, your ass, sit on it.
Spend five minutes—set a timer!—doing some deep-ass breathing. In and out. Close your eyes. Put a damn blindfold on if you have to. Visualize kittens and puppies and otters. Visualize rainbows and delicious snacks. Repeating a soothing mantra. Something like, “Ommmmmmmmmmkittensandpuppies.”
The Bad Advisor will wait.
Are you done? Okay. Now you can read the rest of the Bad Advisor’s answer.
First: you are really, really probably not pregnant. It’s not impossible that you’re pregnant, because it is indeed possible to become pregnant when you have sex on your period, but it is extremely unlikely. And long as you and your partner used the condom correctly (no spillage into your nethers? no penetration without the condom, even just the tip even just a little bit? you were both sober and clear-headed enough that you would have noticed, in the moment, if the condom broke, yes?) you are almost certainly not pregnant. Condoms are pretty good about that whole not-pregnant thing.
Don’t get stuck replaying the scene looking for THE SECRET ANSWER, just be honest with yourself: did you have a reason to believe, in the moment, that the condom broke? No? It probably didn’t.
Breathe. In and out. Visualize kittens and puppies.
Okay. Now you are going to take some practical steps that do not include READING THE ENTIRE INTERNET FOR SIGNS OF PREGNANCY. Stay away from WebMD. Do not Google anything. DOWN THAT PATH THERE BE DRAGONS WITHOUT MEDICAL DEGREES WHO WILL MAKE YOU THINK YOU ARE PREGNANT.
Here’s what you do:
- Get an actual calendar that you can write on, and track your period back several months, or as long as you can, so you can get a good idea of how regular, or irregular, your menstruation is. Mark this shit down. Carefully and clearly. Menstruation can be totally irregular and weird when you are a teenager! Sometimes going a long time, or a really annoyingly short time, between periods is totally normal. The Bad Advisor never got regular periods as a teenager; it wasn’t until she went on birth control that she could reliably predict her monthly friend’s arrival. BREATHE! BREATHE! (ETA: The Bad Advice Nation chimes in with the excellent suggestion that the Bad Advisor make the effect of stress on one’s menstrual cycle very, very clear: stress delays your period! You are stressed out! You are stressed out about being pregnant which could delay your period which is the thing you need right about YESTERDAY!) Back to the breathing exercises.)
- Log on to this Planned Parenthood chat, where you can talk to health educators about your concerns and interact with real living people whose job it is to engage with stressed, freaked-out teens who need solid, science-based information. Your period calendar will be a big help here, and the counselors at PP can help you decide whether/when it’s appropriate for you to use an over-the-counter pregnancy test.
- If you can’t use the chat tool, use this search feature to find out whether there is a Planned Parenthood near you. Call the closest Planned Parenthood, and ask them if they have any counselors on staff who can talk with you. Your state Planned Parenthood affiliate might also have a hotline number that they can refer you to. Planned Parenthood gets calls like this all the time and there is nothing you can tell them that they haven’t heard before. They are not embarrassed for or at you. They want to help you, and they are professionals.
- Whether you discuss your concerns with the chat folks or over the phone, take careful notes on what you talk about and what your next steps might be: an appointment for a pregnancy test at a clinic? A drugstore pregnancy test and a follow-up with a doctor or nurse? The sweet joy of just randomly getting your period in the midst of your panic?
- With your carefully taken notes in hand, TALK TO A PARENT OR ANOTHER TRUSTED ADULT—A SISTER, BROTHER, AUNT, UNCLE, SCHOOL COUNSELOR, ETC—ABOUT HOW FREAKED OUT YOU ARE. Bad Advisor knows this can be potentially very, very embarrassing, but part of being mature enough to have potential babymaking sex is being able to talk about it with people who want to help you and who can do things like drive you to doctor’s appointments, help you pay, or find ways to pay, for health care, birth control, etc. In the extremely unlikely event that you are pregnant, whatever comes next is not something you need to be shouldering alone, whether you decide to end the pregnancy or continue the pregnancy.
- Please don’t skip number five.
- Go back and read number six.
- If it turns out that you are pregnant: do not, under any circumstances, visit a crisis pregnancy center. Sometimes they are also called “pregnancy resource centers,” and always they are only and solely invested in telling pregnant people lies about their bodies and their options with the intention of coercing pregnant people into continuing their pregnancies. If your trusted adult suggests or insists you visit a crisis pregnancy center, that adult is not trustworthy and that adult does not want what is best for you. Make sure that if you go to get a pregnancy test at a clinic, that clinic provides science-based medical care. Ask them: Do you perform pap smears here? Do you treat sexually transmitted infections? Do you have a doctor and a nurse practitioner on staff? A good, real medical clinic will have degreed medical staff, not just counselors and an ultrasound machine.
- After you visit a real doctor who can confirm your (EXTREMELY UNLIKELY) pregnancy, you should consider your options, which are: continue the pregnancy and become a parent, continue the pregnancy with the intent of adoption, or terminate the pregnancy. You can go back and talk with the Planned Parenthood counselors, who can help you find parenting and adoption resources, or you can call the National Abortion Federation, which has a totally anonymous hotline where you can get factual, scientifically sound information about pregnancy and abortion, and information about assistance paying for your abortion procedure if that is the option you choose. Because you’re a minor, if your trusted adult is not a parent, and if you can’t safely tell your parents about getting an abortion, you may need to get a judicial bypass for an abortion procedure. The laws on this vary by state, but there are lots of organizations that can help you get a judicial bypass. Google the phrase “judicial bypass” and your state to find one of those organizations—for example, in Texas, you’d want to contact Jane’s Due Process. If you decide to continue your pregnancy, there may be publicly funded options (like Medicaid) that can help pay for your health care—this is where a trusted adult can really come in handy, helping you navigate scary bureaucracy.
- If you are not pregnant, you need to talk with your trusted adult, if possible, about getting on a form of birth control that will not keep you guessing the way condoms do. That might include: an implant, a hormone shot, birth control pills, etc. Condoms work for lots of people and give them peace of mind; it sounds like you are not one of those people. (The Bad Advisor is not one of those people, either! The Bad Advisor also freaks out about pregnancy when she only relies on condoms! You are not alone!)
- Since you’re a teenager, you may or may not need a parent’s permission to get a prescription for birth control, depending on where you live and depending on what clinic you go to - some clinics can prescribe birth control to a teen without a parent’s permission, some can’t, some only can if they receive federal and not state funding, yadda yadda yadda. This is something to ask your Planned Parenthood counselor.
- GET ON SOME BIRTH CONTROL! Do this no matter what. Go on birth control after you terminate your pregnancy, or go on birth control after you carry your pregnancy to term so that you have less of a chance of having another unplanned pregnancy. Part of the responsibility of having potential babymaking sex is making sure you are doing what you can not only to prevent unwanted pregnancy, but making sure you are doing what you can to keep yourself safe and stress-free about your sexytime. Because sexytime should be fun and consensual, not a huge monthly stressbomb!
- KEEP USING CONDOMS THO. Birth control doesn’t keep you from getting sexually transmitted infections, which means just as you want to keep your body free of unplanned pregnancy, you want to keep your body as healthy as possible. Use condoms whenever you have sexual contact with another person’s nethers: for your safety, your partner’s safety, and your peace of mind. Because you are very worried about pregnancy, you might consider sticking to sexual activity that is not of the potential babymaking variety for the time being: oral sex, mutual masturbation, sexy talking, etc. There’s more to life than the potential babymaking kind of sex: keep yourself safe and spicy by trying out different activities that may produce different feelings and sensations - both for variety’s sake and for your stress level. ALWAYS CONDOMS THO. DID THE BAD ADVISOR MENTION CONDOMS? ALSO DENTAL DAMS. THOSE TOO.
Whatever happens, you are going to be fine. Write back soon when you totally get your period and you and the Bad Advisor can have a good laugh-cry together.
What started as a HILARIOUS sass-back advice column, is slowly branching into amazing-advice. Truly impressive thatbadadvice, please keep it up!
Dr. Susan Cahill’s health clinic, All Families Health Care, was destroyed last week by Zachary Klundt, son of a board member for Hope Pregnancy Ministries, an anti-abortion organization.
Please donate to help Dr. Cahill repair the damage to her clinic and return to providing essential health care to Montana residents.
I am continuing to reblog ‘til they reach their goal.
The same day it was revealed that the Army’s top sexual-assault prosecutor has been suspended after allegedly sexually assaulting someone at a sexual-assault conference, the US Senate rejected a bill that would have overhauled the way the Pentagon handles sexual-assault cases.
Have a nice day.
"80 percent of women who experienced mostly negative emotions still felt that abortion was the right choice for them."